Blog Posts – Page 2 – Restored Life Now!

February 24, 2014

5 Tips for Everyday Encouragement

You can possess all the necessary knowledge of how to accomplish a task and not follow through to completion. Even with the right knowledge we often need is some encouragement. Sometimes we need just a little and other times we need a whole lot.

We may hold the need for encouragement in common. However, each of us responds differently to different kinds of encouragement. Different circumstances, such as training, family, or work can call for different kinds of encouragement. Words, gifts, awards, smiles, quality time, express gratitude and confidence are just a few tools we can use to encourage others.

Perhaps I can speak best from my own experience. What have I found most encouraging over the years? [NOTE: I am not real comfortable sharing this kind of info in such a public space.]

Truthful, sincere acknowledgment of something I have done or said that has made a difference.

For me it is important that the words, award or whatever the acknowledgement, must be objectively truthful. Platitudes or untrue statements do little to nothing to encourage me.

We should try and understand how those in our own lives receive and respond to encouragement. A few encouragement suggestions:

Experiment – What encourages you may not encourage someone else.
Smile more often.
Listen. Really listen.
Give thanks – expressed in words, deeds, and acknowledgement. Be specific! Even when the outcome is not what you or they may desire, give thanks for their quality efforts.
Express your confidence in someone’s ability to accomplish whatever they are facing. Sincerity is key!

Perhaps our expression of gratitude goes along with encouraging others. What do you think? What encourages you? (Leave a comment–link is on the top of the post.)

Further reading:
“The Quiet Power of Encouragement”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/light-and-shadow/201311/the-quiet-power-encouragement

February 18, 2014

Is it possible to “love your neighbor as yourself”?

No matter what we have experience is it reasonable or possible to “love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself”? It would be easy to think those who said these things, Jesus Christ and St. Paul, had easy and tragedy free lives. Not so. Both Jesus and Paul receive brutal treatment during their lives and died at the hands of others.

What does it mean to “love your neighbor”?

The word used for “love” in these passages is “agape”. This Greek word for love is not tied to the emotions or good feelings we usually associate with our idea of love. Loving someone in this understanding is doing what is right on their behalf. This kind of love may include, but goes beyond, feelings. (Biblical Greek used 4 different words to express different aspects or kinds of love.)

Who are these neighbors we are supposed to love as ourselves?

Family, those next-door, coworkers, employer, boss, cashier, sales reps, and etc. are all neighbors. This includes people on the other side of the world. It includes those on the other side of the political spectrum. And, yes, it includes people of different beliefs.

How do we know if we are loving our neighbor as ourselves?

What about the neighbor who has the continually barking dog, loud music, or some other near perpetual annoyance? Does loving your neighbor mean you tolerate the annoyance? Perhaps not. Avoiding issues is not necessarily love. Simply dismissing annoyances or offenses may be an appropriate demonstration of love; but it may also be a hindrance to relationships and growth. How we address the issue demonstrates the love. In fact, avoidance can lead to more intense future conflict.

Our spouse, children, employer, customers, and next-door neighbors all provide numerous “opportunities” to demonstrate love. They also help expose the shortcomings in our ability to walk in this kind of love. Those that have hurt us in the worst ways put this to the greatest test.

This seems too hard. It seems impossible!

The Good News is that we do not have to do this on our own. In fact, I am convinced that I cannot do this on my own. For me, as a Christian, it is the work of God—through His Son—in my live that makes this a possibility.

Falling short in our own lives can help keep us humble in our dealings with others. It also serves as a reminder for our need for God’s grace and the need to allow God to work on and change our own hearts and minds.

[NOTE: What loving your neighbor does NOT mean:

It does not mean you should let people abuse you. It does not mean that you cannot defend yourself from violence. The choices of others, such as in combat or fighting off an assault, will sometimes put us in difficult circumstances that demonstrate our own dependence on God’s grace. However, when those brief, but life changing moments, have passed we are faced again with the opportunity to love (agape)—even our enemies.]

This idea can be particularly difficult for those of us who have experienced deep hurts or tragedies. Yet we are not left alone. We do not have to figure it all out on our own.

I do not always fulfill the command to love my neighbor as myself. However, working together with God this is becoming more real in my daily life. As I grow in this area I find new joy and peace no matter what circumstances I am facing.

Some of the factors that are impacting my life in this area: my relationship with God through Jesus Christ, the Holy Bible (Scripture), fellow Christians to challenge and encourage my spiritual growth, and all who continually provide opportunities for me to grow.

What, or who, is helping you grow in your ability to “love your neighbor as yourself”?

February 4, 2014

How can we successfully deal with angry people?

So, you are not a hot head. But you have to deal with one or two or three. Below are some ideas to consider when dealing with outwardly angry people—note: we will have to talk about the quiet angry types in another post.

[Most important: your safety! If the angry person becomes abusive (or you believe it is heading in that direction) you should remove yourself from the situation and seek appropriate help. What we are discussing here is anger that does not result in abuse.]

Anger usually comes from some insecurity, fear, guilt, sense of inadequacy, etc.:

Understanding this can help us to NOT internalize the other person’s expression of anger. When we internalize someone else’s anger we tend to get defensive—at least this is true for me. When we get defensive we can get side tracked from the real issues at hand.

Expectations: Do you have unrealistic expectations about the reasonableness of the angry person?

It is unreasonable to expect a person in the passion of anger to be completely reasonable. The biology of anger does not support it. The more angry the individual the less the reasoning center of the brain can operate. The blood flow actually decreases to the reasoning center (pre-frontal cortex—the part behind your forehead). Instead the body/brain puts its resources in to the fight/flight response.

Anger, fear, anxiety and alike all have a similar physiological response. It is important that this balance be restored before attempting to engage in a reasonable discussion. Justifying our actions—even if we are in the right—accomplishes nothing in the heat of the moment.

Post-traumatic stress responses can involve anger outbursts. PTSD is not a means for excusing inappropriate actions. However, it can be helpful to keep in mind that the stress and anxiety that accompany PTSD can help contribute to a shorter fuse.

Diffuse before Engaging:

In the heat of anger (our own or that of another) our goal should be to diffuse the situation before attempting to solve the problem(s) surrounding the event. Time is an important ingredient in this mix. People’s bodies need time to work out the rush of hormones that accompanies anger and the fight/flight response.

It may not be helpful to declare an official “time-out”. However, some kind of separation in time and space should be considered.

It is important that the individuals involved reengage the issues when all have had an opportunity to cool down. If we are not careful time and space can lead to avoidance and the underlying problems will never get resolved.

Get someone else involved:

I don’t mean that you should drag someone else into the middle of the argument. Rather, when a relative calm has set in, invite someone to help mediate the discussion. This person should be perceived by all involved as being relatively neutral.

Addressing their anger issue:

Yelling back, “You have anger issues!” In the middle of their outburst is not likely to be helpful. (I know, I have tried it.) When all is calm it may be possible to discuss your concern for how they are handling anger.

However, in order to be able to successfully deliver this message, it helps if you actually care. I have not found many people ready to accept a “critical” message from someone who does not care. If that is the case, then try and find someone who does care to deliver the message of concern.

This is by no means a complete list of things to help deal with angry people. What ideas or strategies have helped you deal with angry people? (Please share your thoughts in the comments section.)

Check out the first part of our podcast series on anger: “Anger!!! What Lies Beneath”

January 29, 2014

Encouragement…how a simple video has encouraged many.

After one year and over 31,000,000 views this video is still inspiring. Be encouraged! Each of us has a lot to contribute to others. This thee minute video is not a major Hollywood production. It does not star a famous actor. It was not produced by one of the industries greats. Yet it is impacting the world.

We may never directly reach 31 million people. But we can reach someone in our little part of the world.

Encourage someone today. You may never know just how much they needed that encouragement.

January 27, 2014

When trouble comes our way…

Trouble,…
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Trouble been doggin’ my soul since the day I was born” song by Ray Lomontagne

Stuff happens! Sometimes we are at the center of the problem with the choices we have made. Others also make choices that can cause us problems and heartache.

Philosophers enjoy a good debate on the problem of evil. I admit this can be “fun” and it has its place. Nevertheless, regardless of the cause of these problems, they are part of our life. Jesus shared some thoughts on what we will face:

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”John 16: 33 (NLT)

We “may” have peace in Christ. Here and now, regardless of what is happening too us or around us. This is a choice that we can make. We can abide, live, in Christ.

Simple? Perhaps. Easy? Not for me. Yet as I grow in faith I find that I more at peace—regardless of the difficult circumstances.

Jesus is clear that we “will” have trials and sorrows in this life. This is not “if you have tribulation”; it is “you will have many trials and sorrows”. In these trials and sorrows he tells us to “take heart”, that is, “take courage”–NASB. Why can we be courageous in the face of tribulation? Because He has overcome the world. Yes, this is a present reality. Yet it is clear that this has not been brought to completion; but it will be brought to completion at his second coming. In the mean time we can still find peace in Him.

We should not be shocked when difficulties come our way. Jesus assured of such things; but He also assured us that we can experience peace because He is with us and we are in Him and that He has indeed overcome the world.

Even while he was still experiencing difficulties St. Paul proclaims: “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.”2 Corinthians 2:14 NIV

It is through this process of us following Christ that we spread the knowledge of him. This becomes even more evident when we face difficulties. The reality is that our trust provides unparallelled opportunities to grow when we experience trials and sorrows. As we trust him more and more and experience His peace and presence we bring glory to Him and this is as a fragrance to others that cannot be ignored.

Weather we have contributed to our difficult circumstances or not, Jesus is there for and with us. He will never leave us or forsake us. We can abide in Him and find peace—here and now. We can stand assured that “he who began this good work in you will bring it to completion.”

A final thought:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)

January 23, 2014

Trying to Find My Way Home…through music

Music can make us laugh, calm us down, rile us to action and move us to tears. It can be a powerful tool in helping us deal with and overcome different aspects of PTSD.

Jason Moon, a Veteran and song writer, captures a small part of the struggle that many face when returning home. In this case it is coupled with the visual arts in the video.

Question: What do you think of the song?

(On January 24, 2014 we will be releasing an episode of the podcast exploring how the role of music in our recovery process.)

January 21, 2014

Music, Art and Recovery…

Music and art—including movies, poetry, pictures and paintings—can move us emotionally. We each of may have different tastes and we may be move by one thing or another; but there is something that will affect each of us.

Can music help in the coping with or healing of PTSD? In our next podcast episode we will consider some of the scientific research into this topic. We will also look at the more personal side of what each of us experience when we listen to music.

Until then, here is link to one bloggers take on Music, Art, and Poetry that I find interesting: http://www.ptsdspirituality.com/2012/01/29/ptsd-spirituality-engaging-music-art-poetry-helps-to-heal-ptsd/

Question: How has music be beneficial in your life?

December 17, 2013

If you could not fail, what would you set out to achieve?

Imagine a world in which it is possible to overcome anxiety, to successfully deal with stress and to grow stronger following traumatic events, to be successful in business, to have healthy relationships. Well, that world exists and we live in it!

One of the surest ways to not achieve something is to not try. The old adage, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”, still rings true.

We do not have to wait for the New Year to get started on the rest of our lives. We can START to make changes now (7 our series on Change: part 1; part 2; part 3) . Today is a new day.

You may have desires to accomplish new heights in relationships, work, business or health. You may desire to overcome anxiety, fear or things from the past. Whatever it is, you can start a new path today.

Perhaps fear of failing hinders us from attempting or even setting goals. (See: Is Fear Holding You Back?) Whatever it is, it can be dealt with and overcome.

What can we do to help? This post links to some other resources on our site. If there is something else we can do, please let us know.

Michael Hyatt, in his free video, “5 Days to Your Best Year Ever Part 1” has a lot to offer. In this video you will find encouragement to get started, make it through the messy middle to the joy of final accomplishment.

Question: If you could not fail, what would you set out to achieve? Share you goals and desires in the comments sections.

Additional resources available from Michale Hyatt at http://michaelhyatt.com/

December 16, 2013

Can peace be experienced in the midst of chaos? Part 1 of 2

“Just make it go away!” Many of us can relate to this desire to escape or just get rid of a problem we are facing. At times circumstances in our lives can seem overwhelming. It is no wonder why many turn to substances (alcohol/drugs) or unhealthy levels of certain activities (shopping, gambling, eating, etc.), in order to try and cope with their circumstances.

There is no escape. These things may provide a diversion. The reality of the problems still remain. Our attempts to alter the perception of reality do nothing to the real situation.

Is it possible to experience a peace, and the resulting clarity and strength, in the middle of whatever is happening?

YES! This has been my experience. And not my experience alone. Many followers of Jesus Christ report the same experience. One such follower is Paul, the Apostle. He wrote in his letter to the Christians at the city of Philippi in Asia Minor (modern day Turkey): “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7 – NRSV)

Sometimes we may confuse the idea of “prayer” with wish making or demands. St. Paul, in prison for his faith at the time of writing, expresses prayer as “requests”—not demands. When we use prayer as some magical wish or demand formula we miss the relational aspect God is offering.

God does not sit on high and only have an abstract connection with our suffering. He entered into our suffering. Jesus lived a life that included much suffering. He still enters our suffering every time we call upon Him.

People, in their freedom, may choose to hurt us. They may choose to do wrong to others for whom we care. At times there seems to be no shortage of people choosing to do hurtful acts. No matter what others choose to do; God will never leave us alone in our distress.

From my perspective I would rather God simply remove the problems, problem people, etc. However, God most often does not choose to violate our (or other’s) human freedom. At the same time He will provide all that we need to make it through the difficult environment we create for ourselves or others create that impacts our lives. His presence, strength, wisdom and peace are available to all who call upon the Name of the Lord.

If all our problems were removed then the peace Paul speaks of would not go “beyond understanding.” It is understandable to experience peace in the absence of conflict or adversity. A peace that “goes beyond understanding” is a peace experienced in the middle of turmoil and chaos.

In Part 2 we will consider some examples of experience God’s peace and provision in the midst of our troubles.

Question: Have you ever experience a peace that “goes beyond understanding”?

December 10, 2013

What do you do when one thing piles upon another? 3 suggestions…

Sometimes things happen on top of things that happen on top of other things. Sound familiar? If it were not familiar than statements like, “When it rains it pours,” would not be so common.

This has not been an uncommon theme in my experience as a pastor and a coach. Often the events seem to be unrelated. Physical illness, loos a job, car breaks down, furnace breaks, dog gets sick, a close friend passes… You get the picture. It could be any number of things that pile up one each other—on you. And if you are already dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress or anxiety…

Double down on what you know works. This is the time to stand firm. Take a breath and review all the tools you have already acquired. What has worked for you in the past: exercise, healthy food choices, meditation, prayer, study, and time with friends, action…? This is likely different for each of us. Stand strong in all that you know how to do to deal with adversity. If that is not enough, learn new strategies to deal with adversity! The more difficult the circumstance the greater possibility for growth.
Reach out for help! Humble yourself and let trusted resources know you are struggling. Let them know how they could help. Don’t dump your problems on them. Rather, let them know how they could help you solve or deal with one of the issues.
Consider reaching out to help another person. (listen to our podcast: “3 Reasons to Reach Out To Help“) When things seem to be snowballing in our lives it can be helpful to take some of the focus off of our circumstances and reach out to help someone else through something difficult in their lives. This is not to deny the reality of our situation. Rather, it helps contextualize our situation. We also seem to receive so much more when we give.

Question: What do you do that is helpful with everything seems to be happening at the same time? Or What affect do other life circumstances have on PTSD?